It´s getting personal, Parenthood

Stay-at-home moms vs working moms

My dears, let’s talk about the terminologies stay-at-home mom and working mom. I don’t know how it is in the UK and US but in German-speaking countries we tend to say “fulltime moms” for stay-at-home mothers and “part time moms” for moms who have a job. I really don’t like these (German) expressions that are unfortunately very often used in magazines and facebook groups. When talking about stay-at-home moms we are usually thinking of women who do take care the whole day of their children. But is this always the case? There are so many women that are staying at home and do bring their kids to daycare every morning and pick them up in the afternoon, just like working moms. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t judge these moms for doing that, there’s nothing wrong with that, I just want to point out that sometimes there’s no difference between stay-at-home and working moms regarding child-care. It’s also wrong that “fulltime moms” are the better moms. I can give you an example. I remember going to some baby courses with Fabienne and being surrounded by some ill babies that attended the same course and I knew that my child is going to get sick too because of the momies who brought their sick babies there. Why they did that? Because as stay-at-home momies they wanted a change of scene so desperately that they did not care if other kids will get sick too. (I just want to make clear that we are talking here about babies and not toddlers.) Mothers shouldn’t do this to another moms and should show more respect. What if the other mom who’s child just got sick because you had to visit the course with your child that is not feeling well, is a working mom and has nobody to take care of the sick child when she has to go to work? And even for stay-at-home moms it’s not convenient to have a sick kid at home, right? Our little monkeys will get so many times sick when going to day care, don’t put them going through hard times before on purpose. I do also remember a class reunion when few of us were talking about their careers and one stay-at-home mom said work is nothing for her, after all she is a stay-at-home mom and has to take care of two kids. I can imagine that all the working moms must have felt awful at this moment. But also this unemployed mom must have felt bad hearing everyone else talking about their careers and being the only one not having a job. In my opinion she may not have a paid job but there’s nothing to be ashamed for. Even as stay-at-home mom you have so much work to do on a daily basis.

Women should support each other and stop giving each other any negative feelings. Being a mom is always a hard job and we should stop comparing each other and have more appreciation. We all have different backrounds and life stories and should support each other instead of judging.

Here’s why I got back to work very soon after giving birth to Fabienne. In Austria you stay on maternity leave usually for one year at least up to 30 months. I got back to work 4 months after giving birth. In the beginning I worked 12 hours weekly, then 15 hours, I worked two days from home and three days in the office. Currently I am working 25 hours a week. That’s the maximum I want to work as a mom unless life forces me to work more because of any great misfortune. Why I got back to work that soon? Because of 2 reasons. On one side I was not working that long in the company, but I knew that I had a great job in a very family friendly surrounding, so I did not want to give this up. On the other side because of financial issues. I was afraid of having less money and not be able to pay our monthly bills. So no, I am not talking about any luxury here. Another reason why I don´t like the word “part time mom” is that a woman is never a part time mother.

Working moms do not stop being moms just because they are at work. I feel as mom 24/7, every second of the day I am a mom.

My heart and my thoughts are all the time by my child. I do never stop being a mom, not for a second of the day. And when talking about working moms, we can´t pigeonhole all working moms. They may differ from each other in so many ways. But let this be a topic for another blogpost. How´s about you? Are you a stay-at-home or a working mom? And if you are working do you see yourself as a “part time mom”? I´d love to hear your stories and experiences on this subject.

Photographer of the header: Anna Cordes